Postponed happiness

– Posted in: Psychology, Success, Wellbeing

“I’ll be happy when I… get this project over/ get a new job/ clear my loan/ get to the weekend.” is like saying “I won’t be happy until…”.

Who would you like to hang around with?

Is it better to be with happy, relaxed stress-free people, or people with ‘postponed happiness’ who seem to be in a constant state of stress while they work towards a stress-free future?

Happiness does not come from success. Success comes from happiness. Too many people take the past, project it into the future, and live in the present as if the future is fixed.

What would the world be like if we could all lighten up and enjoy the moment?

3 Comments… add one

Matt Carey April 23, 2013, 12:34 pm

As Tony Robbins would say:
‘Most people say one day we’ll look back on this and laugh and I say “why wait?”‘

Jesus Was A Road Runner April 23, 2013, 12:52 pm

I think there’s a line to be drawn between setting clear goals and sacrificing happiness. But yeah, nice point…

trancenlp April 23, 2013, 1:53 pm

Hi Matt, Cool quote.

Hi Terence, You are right. Perusing something for which you have to sacrifice your happiness is what I call ‘Toxic Goals’.

Some goals do not necessarily encourage wellbeing (in fact, some can be toxic):
• “I should because…” goals
• “I will be happy when” goals
• “I can’t be happy until” goals
• Rational ‘next step’ goals
• Goals from the past
• Goals suggested by other people

Other goals or ‘wants’ increase wellbeing:
• Deep “not sure why” wants
• “If a miracle occurred, or if I could wave a magic wand, and achieve my goals immediately” goals
• “It would make me happy” wants
• Wants you have been told you shouldn’t want
• “If only…” wants
• “That would be amazing” wants

‘Super Coach’ Michael Neill asks a question that I now regularly use when helping someone clarify their direction: “What would you love to have if you didn’t have to feel unhappy about not getting it?” Enjoying the journey is often more fulfilling than achieving an outcome.

I have more about goals and what stops people here: http://trancenlp.wordpress.com/2013/03/17/a-plausible-goal/

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