– Posted in: Psychology

No one wants to be the runt of the litter; it gets picked on. The alpha male, or female, gets adulation - the runt gets bullied. We do not want to get attention for the wrong reasons. We therefore develop protective positions created by the values and beliefs that we share with our family, friends and colleagues. This is to stop ourselves from looking bad (or idiotic). From this position we can validate our model of the world, achieve the results we need, look ‘good’ and be ‘right’. Right according to our model of reality; which is the only one we know! One of Dale Carnegie observations was that everyone […]

14 to 21 years old

– Posted in: Psychology

The period between 14 and 21 is where we create our social values; as we realize that we are an individual alone in the world. We can do things the way our parents did, or in the opposite way - it is our choice. Sometimes we may even recognize that we are doing something in a specific way because of past upsets; just so we can prove that we were right all along!

8 to 13 years old

– Posted in: Psychology

Between the ages of 8 and 13 we model our parents and other people that we admire (like friends, cartoon characters, pop or film stars). We may want to be a hero but we will probably look at ourselves critically and decide that we do not really fit in with everyone else. On occasions it may seem that everybody else is happy, relaxed and comfortable with the world but we are left on the sideline. We don’t have the right look; we don’t know the right things. We are just different! So we must, somehow, be abnormal! However, as everybody feels like this sometimes then it must be normal to […]

Birth to 7 years old

– Posted in: Psychology

Up until about the age of 7 we soak up all the events that we see, hear, feel, smell or taste as we build our model of what the world (universe, life, whatever…) is like. This is our own personal representation of reality. Our most vivid memoirs will have been created by the most emotionally intense experiences. Often these memories will be caused by bad experiences; where we suddenly have to redefine our view of the world and make a decision about life. A decision that will remain with us for the rest of our days (or at least until we get a number of other experiences that make us […]


– Posted in: Psychology, Success, Wellbeing

Beliefs are a method for our brain to categorise our experiences. They are generalisations we get from a number of sources. • Our upbringing o As a child we believe what we were told by adults. A child has no way of testing some beliefs so they persist unmodified into adulthood. • Modelling other people • Past traumas • Repetitive experiences o Of the world o With other people • Culture (shared beliefs) Some beliefs are true like believing in gravity but others we just made up and are not true at all. They act as perceptual filters. We are Thinker/”Provers”. One part of us thinks (or believes) something and […]

We were born with two genetic fears.

– Posted in: Psychology

We are genetically predisposed to have a fear of loud noises and a fear of falling. However, some people go to the loudest fire work displays, and some people will even jump out of an aeroplane that has nothing wrong with it! That means a person is able to ‘un-learn’ anything. If it is possible to get around an evolutionary response; it MUST be possible to get past the stories about ourselves, and other people, that we made up when we were frightened or stressed as child, teenager or even adult. If someone else is in a low state of mind they may well blame, or bitch about, other people […]

We are born with a genetic fear of loud noises.

– Posted in: Psychology, Wellbeing

So we get frightened when adults shout at us to keep us safe. Especially if we then notice that everyone is looking at us. The feeling of fear is our conscious awareness of the chemical changes in our body that are required to freeze, run or defend ourselves (fight or flight). That feeling also acts as a warning to us that we are getting into an “uncomfortable situation” or that we are “thinking ourselves” into being frightened. The problem is when we can’t tell the difference. Feeling uneasy about walking through a park late at night is a good thing. Feeling frightened about making a speech at a wedding, in […]

Right vs. Wrong

– Posted in: Psychology

When I am working with a client, I get my best results when I join them in their reality. I want to understand their thinking strategies so that, together, we can establish new options and strategies that can create more enjoyable and successful outcomes for them. Understanding their reality is something with which I sometimes have difficulty. This is usually because I have a particular thought in mind; I inadvertently focus on a specific aspect that holds my attention. Filtering what they say through my thoughts limits my ability to be creative. However, that difficulty is slight in comparison to when talking to a member of my family. Luckily my […]

Progressive relaxation process (part two).

– Posted in: Psychology, Training, Wellbeing

In part one, I described the reasons behind the need for relaxation and a method that enables a person to ‘go quiet inside’. Once your mind is quiet and clear you can start to create an incredible relaxation of your body that will leave you refreshed and revitalised. Relaxation will come from an awareness of the tension your muscles. I remember that I once concentrated so much on relaxing my shoulders that I did not notice a massive tension in my buttocks as I tried to hold in my stomach! The best way to create an awareness of your body is to increase the movement and tension in the part […]

Progressive relaxation process (part one)

– Posted in: Psychology, Success, Wellbeing

Stress is a natural part of everyday life. Any sportsman, or athlete, will tell you that periods of stress followed by quality recovery time give a person a greater stress capacity. This leads to increased performance and repeating the process creates continuous growth. Relaxation of both the mind, and body, is essential to this process. Continuous stress can cause mental and physical health issues. Our endocrine system, often called our “body chemistry”, is usually in a continuous state of change. Our hormone balance changes from moment to moment; in order to optimise our physiological response to our experiences. In a situation that requires an immediate ‘protection response’ we unconsciously trigger […]