Disappointment takes adequate preparation.

Last year I had the privilege of working with my local council’s voluntary serviced department in conjunction with the charity ‘Youth at Risk’ (http://www.youthatrisk.org.uk). Over an 18 month period I worked with some amazing people dedicated to making lasting change in the lives of young people at school and in the community.

One of the key conversations that we had in our sessions was about how disappointment, upset and anger can be caused by our experience of reality not meeting our expectations.
The way we highlight the distinction is to ask the question “What is the difference between the Meal and the Menu?”

Obviously we would get heckles of “This is boring”, “That’s just stupid” and “’*#~^….expletive” but eventually they would engage and we would get some constructive answers along the line of: “The menu is cardboard and the meal is food.”

Eventually we get to the paradigm that the menu consists of words, symbols and pictures while the meal is just the meal. If I order the ‘bean burger’ and when it turns up I discover that it has been deep fried I may not like it (I didn’t) but it is still what I ordered.

There was always some discussion, in the group, about how sometimes the pictures of the food might be misleading in comparison with what is actually served. Also, that, from a textural description, people can create a picture of a really wonderful meal in their head.

It is a powerful moment when some of the young people understand the concept that the disappointment, upset and anger come from a mismatch between their expectations and the reality of experiencing the meal.
We then expand this concept into other areas of life. For instance; my Mother can only be my Mother, and my Children can only be my Children. Any disappointment I get from comparing them with my expectations of what they should do, how they should behave, how they should treat me, or talk to me; is of my own creation.

So any disappointment, upset or anger that I feel has been created by my own thinking.

This concept is appropriate to any area of life. Our brain receives signals from our senses and then our brain creates a representation, in our head, of what must be out there; considering that sensory input.
This means that we are actually creating our reality (from that live data feed) and then experiencing our creation. Disappointment and upset come from one, two or all three of the following things:

• Unrealised expectation
• Thwarted intension
• Undelivered communication

Realising that these are just our own thoughts and that they do not exist in reality can enable us to let go of our expectations. We can find a new way to create our desired outcome (or modify the outcome) and to be self-expressed when communication.

Obviously, life can change in a moment so there will always be occasions when we will be shocked and upset. However, knowing that those feelings are a result of our own thinking can make a real difference in how we cope.

As Paul McKenna (hypnotist, author and self help guru) says: Disappointment takes adequate preparation.